This question came up today as I was coaching a client, I love this question. In my experience, we are always trying to fix, avoid, deny, blame or some other crafty thing with this experience we call abandonment. You know what that feels like, each of us has a different version I am sure, and a lot of us (or just me) did not even realize that we (I) had any abandonment issues.
This client has been trying to “amputate” his abandonment experiences for years. Really hating himself for the reactions that come up when he gets vulnerable or scared. Believing whole heartedly that they were why his relationships failed!
He shared that he really needed her to be closer, not be busy, wanted to have a bigger conversation about their relationship… I asked him what need will he get handled with this “conversation”? He looked a bit, and finally said, I will then know how to act!
Wow right? Such beauty in his answer, and such an amazing gift for him to guide him to what was really up.
Here is a bit of back story that may tie this together, the week prior he was in bliss, he was fearless, open, unattached, and really enjoying the beauty of his new found romantic experience. I believe his words were something like, I do not even have to know where this is going, its beautiful, effortless, and freeing.
So I was intrigued by what was so drastically different.
When hearing his voice I heard a pretty worn out person; tired and a little overwhelmed. It could have been the woman, but I was hearing something else. I asked about his well being practices, this man has many, he is a leader, a father, a business owner and has the heart of Ghandi, so self care practices keep him above the “circumstance” level in his life. His answer to the question was NONE, NIL, not a 15 min meditation, or a run, or a yoga pose! THIS is what the really gap was, he was in reaction mode because he was exhausted and not loving himself. This is how come the abandonment voices and strategies were so damn loud.
And this is where the question; What if your abandonment issues were actually you spirit guide came from. His need for love and security were screaming, he was looking outward to have them soothed, when in fact they are a demand for him to love him, and not put it on another, but instead source himself and come to his relationship not to take from another, instead be open, and free flowing with her and grow what they had been cultivating with out the confines of a depleted soul.
What choices you would make if your wellbeing was your truest AND highest commitment?
Are you curious about how different your relationships would go if you owned your self care like a boss?